suburbia

Engel Shrei, on a construction site. The lights in the background are Merrillville, Indiana... suburban sprawl at it's worst. It's dusk, about 50 degrees with a biting wind, damp, and she's standing on sharp gravel.

The expression on her face... yeah, that's how I feel about suburban sprawl, too.

prolific

I'm most of the way through making proof sheets. And I'm almost out of paper.

I had no idea that I'd shot that much, gotten that far behind.

I also made a few postcard prints, from my 2002 images of Hobart. Sold one on the sidewalk on Main Street before I'd even made it inside the gallery.

dark and light

A shot of Acid Poptart, the assistant fashion editor of Gothic Beauty Magazine. This was done near the beginning of our early October shoot in Columbus, Ohio.

The last time we shot was in summer rain, in a parking lot. We were an outlier of calm surrounded by swirling drama. Another model working not far away, with some local photographer who seemed... a little odd. We were both a little distracted by that, a little worried, and the slight tension actually added to our images. We'd also all been out much too late the night before, and... the rest of the story gets a little too complicated to go into right now.

This time, all was quiet. I was on my way to a conference in Cleveland, traveling alone. So just the two of us. The weather was different, stark sunlight, hot... well into the 90s. These early shots were done in my hotel room, using the light from a window and the partially open door, in this case shooting into the mirror. Then we went to a near-downtown location and shot in the shade of a brick building, in an alley and mostly out of sight of the nearby street. I think we spent more time talking than shooting.

Her makeup is always amazing. It took about two hours to apply this time.

holiday

The first of four days off... I slept late (9:30), rode a bike down to Main Street, which was mostly deserted. What few locals were out were in a mood to talk. It took a couple of hours to make the rounds. Then some clean up, I've found the bare surface of my desk, gotten those last few rolls of negatives put away. I'll probably do proof sheets later tonight. I'm caught up on processing, still have quite a bit of scanning to do.

For the first time, I'm feeling that doing something with existing work is more important than creating new things. I can no longer look back and just know what to pull off the shelf... because one entire shelf is now filled with binders of negatives, and the four binders from 2007 won't fit on the same shelf. There is now, officially, too much. I'm glad I'm back to shooting film these past few years, because trying to organize and file a similar quantity of digital images would be a frightening task. Film is just more tangible.

I'm in the early stages of a web site update, part of a new gallery ids actually already uploaded although still blind for now. Lots of tedious coding to do on other pages before I'll be ready to take it live.

I do have several ideas floating around, concepts. But it's not feeling urgent yet to go out and create. Yet another turn in the path, maybe. I'm not really sure yet.

gone

Crash... out of control. Two down, one to go. So young, so troubled. Outer innocence, like a mask... it fools. Should have... now too late.

The other, three times her age. A creator, creating other creators. With him, or against him, no middle ground. Inevitable; one reason I am here, one reason I crossed the world. The ground still moves, the spark has not gone out. The flame passes to those left behind.

[... for Crystal (24) and Hobart (74)...]

duality x 2

Even as mainstream internet photography continues to sink to unprecedented depths... it seems everyone has a camera now, and wants to photograph young women... I find hidden places of wonder, seldom traveled side paths.

First: wonderful nudes shared by a model I've never met. Posted on a small and obscure forum, they are amazing images, some of them, so beautiful. She asks for our help in choosing what to include in a hard-copy portfolio. A pleasant task.

Second: right now, I'm looking at a portrait of a woman, someone I've met once, briefly, four years ago. Someone I expect to see again in the not too distant future. I have not photographed her, don't know if I ever will. But looking at these images, and learning new things about her tonight, I see a depth I never knew was there. I see experience beyond her years, two created personas, overlapping just a little. The clues are there within each one to find the other, but only if one looks very closely. Only if one works at it a little.

The persona I'd known of previously is not a very visual one. There are images, but they are few and not the best. The mystery is deep, the darkness willingly maintained. The second persona, the one she just let me in on tonight, left enough clues for me to find... is nothing less than visual performance art. All the more striking in that they're almost all self-portraits. Even more striking in that this person who outwardly fears little, who can personify fear and inspire it in others, claims to be afraid of being in front of another persons camera.

In these images, I see beauty. I see rules shatter like glass. I see hatred and kindness mingle like tributaries of blood. I see dark reflected in the light. I see the sound, feel the red. She is there, and here. Under silver rain, past and future come full circle, each devouring the other.