travel rant

Update on the KC models: As noted below, two were on time, ready to shoot, and I'm quite happy with the experience in general. Both drove out from the St. Louis area, four hours each way, one spent the night in a hotel to be ready for a morning shoot. Certainly can't ask for more than that.

One other model cancelled well in advance, and I expected her to; a seven-hour drive each way was simply not realistic for her, and we offered her the chance to opt out well before she actually decided to take it.

The fourth one is the puzzle. She's the only one who lives right in town, short easy drive for her. She went missing for a week before the shoot, didn't respond to several e-mails, never confirmed, so we assumed she was out (I should note that I never actually had contact with this model myself, my photographer friend and collaborator handled this one). Apparently, she reappeared late the night before the shoot, e-mailed my friend with a message to call her and let her know where to meet. My friend didn't see the e-mail til after the shoot, it came in after she'd already gone to bed, and of course she had to leave early in the morning to make the shoot. I'm told it was suggested after the shoot that she consider messaging me and trying to set up a quick downtown shoot around the conference, but I never heard from her, so never had to make that decision.

So two went to considerable effort to shoot; one blew an easy opportunity. Go figure.

I'm not crazy about Kansas City in general, although admittedly I haven't seen very much of it. Downtown seems nice enough, good mix of older buildings with character and gentrification. But get much away from the city center, and it's poorly designed roads with poor signage, and what I've encountered of the people has been fairly mediocre so far. The airport wasn't impressive, either.

I flew out of Kansas City this evening, the flight left an hour late. Partly weather, with some rain; but half the delay was just inefficiency by all involved. We got to Denver just a few minutes after my connecting flight had left, and the customer service rep was not one of the more helpful or intelligent ones I've ever encountered. The only other SFO flight was way over booked, they'd automatically put me on a next-morning flight, but they weren't willing to cover a hotel. So instead I caught a flight to Las Vegas leaving 15 minutes from when I left the counter, and I'm in Vegas now.

The terminal is tacky, worn, outdated, with gambling machines, lights, and noise everywhere. It's a crazy, sprawling airport, geared to take money from waiting passengers, not to move people efficiently. I can't wait to get out of here. It's a midnight flight, into SFO around 1:30 am. No idea if my bag will get there before me or after me, but it won't be on the same plane.

The Denver layout is equally crazy, if new and clean and tidy... but it's a half-mile hike from one end to the other. Having worked with a few airport planners in my day, I know it doesn't need to be like this. Having met one of the guys who did final design on Denver, I'm not surprised it functions poorly in the real world.

So I'm sitting in Vegas, a place that for me symbolizes much of what's wrong with our twisted, short-term thinking, materialistic culture, wondering where we as a society went wrong. Maybe it's just that it's been a long day and I'm tired and cranky, but there's something wrong here. We, as a society, are falling so far short of what could be.

heartland

Kansas City, Missouri. Two of the shoots took place today. I met my photographer friend Envy and one of the models in Parkville, and we worked three or four locations nearby. This model was good, excellent range of expression, she responded well to subtle cues, unusually dynamic posing. While she's sort of an innocent type, she likes to "play dress up" and her half-asian heritage and interest in anime show in the unusual outfits.

The afternoon shoot was in the city, with a brand new model, great two-tone hair... this was, I think, her first real shoot with experienced photographers. She was of course a little stiff, but did ok. It was valuable, I think, to coach her through the process, for the two of us to watch each others methods for doing so.

It's interesting that both models drove in from St. Louis. There seem to be so few alternative types here.

Now I'm checked in to the Hyatt, wishing I'd packed a spare model in my luggage. I usually dislike hotel shots, so tacky, but this place has full-length windows in the hall looking out over the downtown skyline, and a huge bathroom mirror with lots of lights and shiny things. I could do some things with this.....

toward the center

On Sunday, I'm doing a shoot in Kansas City, actually a series of shoots. I'm visiting there for a conference, and will be making a presentation on Monday and Tuesday, so basically am flying in a day early to have a little personal time.

This started as an excuse to shoot with a photographer friend there, someone I haven't seen in three years, someone who I think is really talented and has a style very different than mine. It's creative time, a chance to bounce ideas around and share a little creative energy. It's a chance to shoot for the fun of it, without a lot of expectations.

Initially I contacted two models from the general region, one I've worked with before, another who has a good reputation. Both wanted to shoot, but the timing didn't really work, one is going to be out of town this weekend, the other is only off work on weekdays. So we decided to throw it open, and I posted an online casting call on one of the big web-model sites.

I tried to scare them away, wrote the post in a way that I hoped would discourage mainstream girls. I have no interest in doing cheesy glam. I really didn't expect to get a lot of responses.

To date, I've heard from 15 models, and the responses are still rolling in.

We've long since chosen four; two for the morning, two for the afternoon. I'm assuming that one or two will cancel, if not it will be a pleasant surprise... to be honest, a couple of these girls are reaching, they've very inexperienced. If their courage holds, they're going to gain some useful practice and add quite a bit to the quality of their portfolios. That's especially true for the one who has nothing now that even approaches technically competent. She said that she hoped I'd see potential in her despite the lack of experience, and I do. Actually, I'm excited about one of the four, and think it's possible to do good things with all of them.

Once past those four, it falls off quickly. There's one more that's cute and confident, but she's a glam girl, not my style. Actually most of them do cheesy glam, apparently they can't or don't read because the post ruled that out. Several want to "make it big" or become a "top model." These are serious red flags. If they want to be on the cover of Maxim... which is usually what this means... they're approaching the wrong photographer. Phrases like that also imply a lack of grounding in the real world, especially when they come from girls who are perhaps cute enough to get hit on a lot in bars, but who are in little danger of suddenly becoming charismatic. It's sad, in a way. Some of them sound like they want it so badly. What have we, as a society, created? I really would rather not be the one to break the news that it takes more than looks to get by in the world.

waiting

Yesterday morning, on the way out the door I grabbed a Leica and shoved it in my jacket pocket. By the time I made it to the edge of town, the fog had mostly burned off and the light was a little harsh, so I only took a very few photos. The idea is there, now I just need the right light, coinciding with enough time to do the concept justice.

Last night I thought about posting a casting call for Sunday, and then decided that I value the time more than I value the chance to shoot with another model. Especially after I saw a post by a model I've encountered before, said no to once before. She's fairly well known, but tends to be demanding and unpredictable. This time was no exception, she listed a couple of "needs" to shoot... and I don't need to shoot that badly.

So Thursday and Friday will be busy with work, then Saturday a friend is coming into town from Chicago, and I've promised to show her around San Francisco. Sunday, I'm probably going to go up to the hot springs and just read and relax. I'm feeling like I need that at the moment, as if the time off will recharge my creative ability more than the chance to shoot. Besides, the Kansas City trip is less than two weeks away, with seven or eight models currently clamoring for four slots.

texture and temperature

We meet at a coffee place in Sausalito. She had called a few minutes ago, said she was running just a bit late. Now she calls again as she walks toward me, and I recognize her immediately from her photos. While she's inside getting her coffee, I try not to look too often toward the state trooper sitting at the next table. Now she's back, coffee in hand. We decide she will follow me. She gets into her silver Mercedes and turns around.

About 15 minutes later, we're at one of the old bunkers. It's late afternoon, sunny and warm, but already cool in the shadows. She has most of her first outfit on under her street clothes, fishnets, a thong, a bustier. She opens her suitcase, and trades running shoes for boots. I begin to photograph her, tentatively at first, as we get to know each other.

She's a little over average height, thin, with breasts that appear to be artificially enhanced. But it's not her breasts I'm interested in, actually I'd be happier if they were a little smaller, a little more in proportion to her body. It's her attitude I'm interested in, the way she conveys that attitude.

I guess she's smart enough in a mainstream sense, she's apparently been reasonably successful in the business world. She's in her mid-30s, recently divorced, in a custody battle for the two kids. The clock is ticking, and she's ready to "spread her wings." That's whay she's created an internet model portfolio. That's why she says she wants to do something "edgy." She's from an upscale suburb, from a decade or more of very mainstream, very vanilla existence, after growing up in a small town. There's so much she doesn't yet know about. She doesn't have the abstract intelligence of my artist friends, she lives in the material world and not the conceptual one. So it's going to take a while for her to make the connections. She's seeing only the surface. But she's blessed with the right look, with sharp features, and with that attitude. That's why I contacted her.

We're done with that first outfit, I didn't like the bustier anyway, it didn't fit properly. She changes right in front of me, apparently she's not at all shy. The fishnets stay, she changes to a different thong, one with a skull pattern, and a black bra. I pull out a whip, a four foot snake, and after a few seconds of verbal lessons, let her play with it. Even as she holds it too tentatively, without any real confidence, she moves it effectively enough. The photos are fascinating, of a creature with a brand new toy. She tells me that she knows who she would like to use it on.

But she's told me that she likes to play both sides, so now she changes into white. We work with some steel bars over a window. She's much more at home in this role.

The light is beginning to fade now, and it's becoming cool. She had said on the phone that she didn't want to do nudes, but now she says she's going to take off the bra. First she changes back into black, and stands in front of a steel, grafitti-covered door. Now, what we've discussed, what she knows is coming. I tell her to walk backward, tell her she's going to lean against the cold steel in a moment. I capture the look of anticipation and fear on her face. Then I tell her to do it, and she does, without question. New expressions, all captured on film.

I bring her down the concrete wall, to where an iron ring is set into the wall. She's already off in a distant headspace, no longer very aware of the physical world. She doesn't see the handcuffs until I'm standing directly in front of her. She offers her wrists, and I snap the cuffs shut, attached to a silver chain running through the rusted iron ring. As I pull out the whip, she looks down at her wrists, brushes against the rough, cold concrete.

It takes only 10 minutes, and I never actually touch her. Instead, I talk about what might be, and document the reactions. I ask her to tell me her fantasies, and she does. They are the best images of the shoot. Finally, she has the presence to say that she's getting cold, and I've been aware of the shivering for several minutes. So I let her down immediately.

I begin to put my cameras away, turn, and see that she's walking in a slow circle, still half naked, still deep in her submissive headspace. I have to tell her to go get dressed, put something warm on. She snaps back to reality quickly then, and in five minutes we're both packed up and ready to go.

We sit in the car with the heat on full and talk for another hour. Then, she follows me back to the highway, and we go our seperate ways.

a fresh start

I need to write. So I'm back, having tried other methods, and found that they don't work as well for me as a simple blog.

This is where words and images meet, each serving a different purpose, striving together for greater heights than either could reach alone.

I've been a photographer, a philosopher, a wanderer, a rebel. I will be other things as well.